"Hey Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort?" - Carl Spackler

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Thursday, March 13, 2003
  Battle of Britain?...

Hardly think that Liverpool vs Celtic qualifies (that said, some have suggested that the result proves that Celtic are about as good as a second rate English outfit. Others might say that judgement is a little harsh - particularly on Celtic).

n.b. expect to here a lot more about this game.... racist taunts resulting in a good old fashioned golly in the direction of the fans! That's what we love about UK fooshball.

Finally, in tomorrow night's yawn-fest at Colostomy (after all, it's like a big bag of sh*t).... actually, who cares!

  Another corker from the Football365 lookalike department...

"One's a much loved Muppet..."

Wednesday, March 12, 2003
  Where the hell have you been...

Well, you'd think that a week in the "Blog wilderness" would be ample time to conjure up a plausible excuse for one's absynth (Ed - Absynth! Now that IS a plausible excuse - why didn't I think of that?) absence. Alien abduction (not to mention associated "scientific" experiments - Mitjus style - thanks Tony), the "black death", chronic gout... all plausible but, nevertheless, all fabrication. Nope, your's truely was hit by that savage disease most people refer to a "work".

So, a week of blogging in a nutshell (Ed - oooh, look at me... I'm in a nutsshell! It's so small inside this nutshell?):

Tuesday March 4th - Had about 15 beers too many at the Becks Jaguar F1 team sponsors night and ended up on the balcony at a pseudo-celebrity's house overlooking Bondi (I say "psuedo" because he's so bloody small!). Anyway, to cut a long story short, my night ended at about 4am when I decided to fall off my stool and into some rather large cactus plants (Ed - BIG identity tip just given). Needless to say, I had to call John Harker the next morning to bring over some of the "good stuff" to get the blood stains out of my shirt.

Wednesday March 5th - oooooouch! My head hurts!

Thursday March 6th - started Spanish lessons. Buggered (Ed - there's that word again... one day it'll get you into trouble!) if I know why I did that. Have no plans to travel to a Spanish speaking country anytime soon?

Friday, Saturday, Sunday - drinking, drinking and drinking (I think there was some motorsport watching involved in there somewhere.

  Gotta love the readers of Football365. The daily lookalikes are usually pearlers - today's is no exception!

One's superstitious, violent and paranoid. The other might be - if only he could remember what he's annoyed about...

Anyway.... that's it for now. Just a quick note to say 'I'M STILL HERE!".

Monday, March 03, 2003
  Only time to squeeze out a quick blog...

As I'm running late for a pre-biggus-dickus pre-Grand Prix function in Bondi. Buggered (not a reference to Mardi Gras, just a figure of speech) if I know why it's on in Bondi. All's I know, is that it's sponsored by Becks, that food and grog is FREE and that I'll be able to meet Mark Webber. Sounds pretty good to me! So, think of me whilst I'm slugging my way through my fifth bottle o' Becks and chewing the Queenbeyan Quasar's ear off (anyone know of a better word starting with "Q" to suit our boy Mark?)

FYI readers... I'm taking a day off tomorrow to get on the turps with my step-brother who's in town from the UK for two days... that will mean that I am either:
(a) too sh*tfaced busy to type, or
(b) I will transmogrify (Ed - oooh, isn't that a BIG word) into the Grog-Monster (in which case, may I apologise in advance for what I may type tomorrow).

Sunday, March 02, 2003
  Blog free weekend...

You may have noticed that I failed to blog over the weekend. Contrary to rumours, this has nothing to do with the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras – that was purely coincidental. Must say though, there was a distinct lack of quality about this year’s floats. As a newly arrived Mexic-Ozzie mate of mine stated on the night:

What a bunch of arse! (Ed – that might get misconstrued…) It’s just a bunch of people walking up the road?”

To that I say, “Welcome to the Mardi Gras, Sydney’s most over-rated annual event”. That said, it’s a great excuse to get pissed have a few quiet one’s.

  “You know, I have one simple request...and that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads…”

I rubbed my eyes twice and pinched myself (Ed – OUCH!) when I read this.

"To say they're not putting the animals in harm's way is ridiculous," said Stephanie Boyd, a biologist with People for Ethical Treatment of Animals.

Yes Stephanie, it is! But it’s a lot safer than using humans to perform the same task – I’ve watched hours of the TV show Flipper, and it’s evident that dolphins are far smarter than the majority of CIA agents, Besides, as a recent convert to canned tuna (Ed - mmmm... delish!), the more dolphins they use for this purpose = less getting caught by tuna boats = reduction in cost of sale = cheaper canned tuna. (Ed – I’m no Economist, but it seems about as sensible as the CIA undercover dolphin agent scheme!)

  I’m not one to brag, but…

I told you so. Top job Roy!

  Where’s the CUPDATE…

It’s too late in the day, and I’m too tired to write a CUPDATE. Besides, I was too busy watching ManU lose the Worthless Worthington Cup (Ed – ‘nuff said.) True to form, School Teacher Tony has utilised his four day weekend well and has it all covered at the AGB. All I’ll add is that it’s lucky that we bat to number 10!

The above held true for all of a few minutes... until I read this. I’m not sure I want to comment on it - oh, bugger it! It’s not like Pyjama cricket is REAL cricket anyway.

Memo to the ICC: This example of Zimbabwe’s denial of basic human rights deserves the harshest of responses from the world community. Your approach to date has been shameful at best. That said, it’s not too late to change your mind…

  It’s only just around the corner…

...and aren’t we loving it. Unless of course, you follow the Bombres (Ed- that was not a typo. I’m merely paying homage to our dyslexic cheer squad!) and you see the results of trading away your entire midfield. Unfortunately, Jason Johnson doesn’t = the engine room (although he does come pretty close).

Anyway, everyone’s favourite Superheromercado has posted his season’s predictions. I challenge all of you to do the same. Adam, I’ll run my thoughts complex visual-basic model and post the results.

  Queensland…. Lovers of all things big!

As a former inhabitant of the Sunshine State, I’m well accustomed to oversized tourist attractions (the Big Cow, Macadamia nut and Pineapple were only just up the road!). This one takes the cake boot!

“And now we can all get some sleep…”

Thursday, February 27, 2003
  Naughty, naughty, naughty….
First him and now him… the internet is for blogging, not looking at naughty photos of little kiddies

  Not the Wright sutff?
Hey YOU, yes YOU… what do you make of this?

  From plug to slug….
Not wishing to expose myself as a boxing nut (hey – who can blame me… the sport hasn’t exactly done itself any favours in the past few ten fifteen years), it would be remiss of me not to mention the history-in-the-making bout on Sunday between Roy Jones Jnr and Johnny Ruiz. Jones is, without doubt (and I include our boy Kostya in this statement), THE best pound-for-pound boxer going around… and he’s about to prove it by being the first boxer in over a century to rise from a middleweight to heavyweight title. Good luck Roy (pleeeeeeeeeease don’t do anything stupid!)

  With my best "Soup Nazi" accent... No plugs for you! Two weeks....

Tony T at the AGB let me down yesterday… NO CUPDATE? Well, incase he doesn't gove us one today:

From the Sydney Broadsheet:

“Glenn McGrath produced the second greatest spell in one-day international history as Australia crushed Namibia by a world-record 256 runs in Thursday's World Cup pool match in Potchefstroom.”

Well, you could be forgiven for thinking that this was a dull match (Ed – zzzzzzzzzzzz) and that McGrath’s spell was the only highlight last night. Obviously the Aussie media haven’t totally forgiven Fat Cat Mk II for breaking the Cup record for belting the most runs in an over. They managed to bury that a couple of paragraphs in.

A hurl is a hurl...
Across at the Hun, they don’t seem to have grasped the concept of “online news”. Their site doesn’t yet mention the Australia v Namibia game (probably doing it the justice it deserved). Their report focus’ on the effort’s of a 23 year old Indian going by the name of (H)Ashish Nehra. Apparently, his favourite player as a little tyke was our very own Deano Jones. Of course, he’s never admitted this but actions speak louder than words.

Wednesday, February 26, 2003
  It's hard to find time to blog... this work caper keeps getting in the way!

Looking for a clog (cricket blog)? Might as well look here. Demon Tony usually just echo's my sentiments, thus it's hardly worth yours truely typing it again!
All I'll say is that they don't call this bloke the "Little Master" for nothing.

And in other news...
Had every intention of blogging last night, but I didn't arrive home until round midnight. Early evening consisted of a practice run with fellow lovers of the round ball for the upcoming Corporate Games. With half our team made up of expat Scots & Poms, I had envisaged a pretty formidable unit... then I recalled this. He he he...

Ended up spending the later part of the evening at Govinda's where, for about $17, you get a delightful buffet and a space on a futon to watch the movie. So comfy was the bed, I couldn't contain myself from dozing off... actually, it may have had more to do with the film. That said, Emmanuel Beart dressed in a saucy french maid's outfit (is there any other kind?) did manage to hold my attention! I haven't yet decided whether it was a good 'ol laugh or a bunch of arse?

Tuesday, February 25, 2003
  Warney-gate continues....

The Sydney-Mourning Herald is running a story entitled:

"Trust me: I only took one tablet ... twice"

So, now he's a confirmed LIAR. No wonder he hasn't appealed yet!

Melbourne's People's Paper reported that "Warne told the committee he had never read the ACB's playing conditions, which included the anti-doping code, had not learnt the consquences of using diuretics or other drugs, and did not know medical experts were available to advise him on the use of any drugs."

With this in mind, I repeat my earlier comment on Tony T's After Grog Blog site... he should have been given two years for being a DICK!

Now, let's forget about the fat slim 'n trim bogan from Black Rock Brighton and concentrate on the World Cup o' Cricket.


Don't read me.... I'm merely a test!

This is where I put my bi-line...

And this is the rest of my post. Whilst here, I think I'll attempt to create a Link

Stay tuned for my first real post blog